Hi hello holla. Ok I have no idea what i'm doin here after 2436789 years since I updated the last time. Don't know whether who will even read it now but whatever i don't care i'm so blady bored.
Btw i've changed my blog to a lil bit less messy wanted to keep it clean since it's already so goddamn boring.
So i think this is gonna be a long post so don't bother reading it if your too lazy wouldn't blame you.
Uhm ok see the main reason i don't really blog anymore cuz my life was a bit fucked up as in it was pretty unbalanced. I had mood swings and stress was all over me. The worst part was last year october when i had this huge breakdown. People kept sayin oh you've gone so thin wad are you on diet? The answer is NO. I usually eat alot but unfortunately... My high school sweetheart was being a bitch. Somewhat just took me for an option or maybe should i say for granted. But i was still so in love with him so i got blady depressed till i can't eat can't do nothin but to just wait for him every single day for him to come back to me. I guess the first heartbreak hurts the most. I've never had so much pain in my chest in my entire life before and that was some serious shit i was dealing with. Then finally one day he called me and got me back just like that. I felt a lil suspicious but then i was like ah whatever as long he's wimme. But i had this funny feelin that it wasn't real or same anymore. One of the days some friend of his from college told me a whole lot of shits of what's been happenin the whole time in college. He betrayed me. I was so disappointed,i should have known that he's been acting weird. And this wasn't the first time,everyone has a limit and i guess he just crossed mine. So i told him i'm done dealing with this drama and told him that it's aite cuz i had fall for someone else which was supposed to be a lie. I just wanted him to feel how it's like to love someone that's loving someone else. Then this random pretty boy suddenly appeared from nowhere near my place and took down my number. Mended the pain and i had these butterflies in my tummy and a smile on my face almost every single day. I felt so relieved so happy like it's the first time. But i knew that my first love was literally irreplaceable. That was just a next door guy who i wanted to just played around with unfortunately...i failed. I actually fell in love with him without any realization... It's weird cuz i hadn't had this feeling in years and i forgot how it's like to fall in love again with someone new. But it only lasted for a month or so cuz the person who broke my heart couldn't let go of me and we just kept lingering. Asking me to get back wit him almost every single day...i could see the look in his eye. I was acting so cold but deep down it breaks my heart to see him suffering for me. To see him walking away in fronta the person i adore with his tears rollin down his cheeks... I'm sorry i needed to be cruel for you to leave. But after 3months of him waiting i finally gave him another chance. It was the only last chance that i had left cuz i saw sincerity in him. It wasn't just simply cuz i pity him it's cuz there's still a lil part of me that loves him. Although my feelings for him did fade away but now after a few months later the feelings has come back so goddamn fast. But i told myself to not put in too much effort anymore just in case i'll get disappointed again which i certainly don't hope so. If it does i swear to god,i ain't comin back. But thank god everything's normal again and about the guy next door i guess he's just an option i just fall for people too easily. I've learnt my mistakes. But whatever happens i'll never regret the love of my life i can't find a reason to love him i just do. Hopefully we'll get through the 5th year or 6th or 7th or 8th till we get married and have mixture babies and i would name her jordan chi. It must be a she! No i'm just kiddin guess i got a lil carried away. Till the next post in idk how many years this time anyways,god bless us!
xoxo
